क्यूँ- the poem

क्यूँ ?

(This poem was written for a friend who made some difference in my life. This was written on 27th March,2008 when she was going away from us. It narrates the pain of separation & agony due to attachment with someone whom you don't want to lose. It ends on positive note by deriving power out of happy memories & moments to cherish rather than feeling sad about having to lose someone due to circumstances.)

मैं सोचता हूँ जब जाना ही था तो क्यूँ आए मेरे जीवन में?

आए तो आए पर आ के तुम क्यूँ छाये मेरे मन में?

प्यार-व्यार से दूर रहा था, दर्द से चकनाचूर रहा था

प्यार को छोड़ के, दर्द को भूल के बड़े चैन से जी रहा था।

फ़िर तुम आए, खुशियाँ लाये, वो प्यारभरे दिन लौट आए;

फ़िर बात हुई, मुलाक़ात हुई और यादों की सौगात हुई।

जब तुम छोड़ चले, मुंह मोड़ चले; रिश्ते सारे यूँ तोड़ चले।

प्यारभरे गुल मुर्जाए, ग़म भरे दिन फ़िर आए।

क्या होता गर तुम ना आते, गीत खुशी के तुम ना गाते?

बिना प्यारके ग़म के साथ मैं वैसे भी तो जी ही रहा था;

शायद वो ही अच्छा होता, पर उसमे वो बात न होती

यादों,वादों और बातों की वो सौगाते साथ न होती।

अब तेरे बिन हम जी लेंगे,अश्क का दरिया हम पी लेंगे;

बस मुजसे तुम वादा कर लो, कि तुम मुजको याद करोगे

जब भी आए याद मेरी तो तुम मुजको आवाज़ करोगे।

जैसे तैसे मैं रहे लूँगा, ग़म सारे भी मैं सहे लूँगा;

गर मुजको ये आस रहे, जब तक साँसों में साँस रहे

तुम याद करोगे, बात करोगे, कभी-कभी मुलाकात करोगे।

फ़िर आना जीवनमें तुम्हारा मुजको नहीं तडपायेगा,

साथ गुज़ारा वक्त हमारा,जीना मुजको सीखलायेगा!

-मोहित शाह (२७-३-२००८)

તમે મીરાની જેમ મને મળજો !

આસપાસ, આરપાર, અઢળક ઉભો છું,
તમે પાછા વળીને મને કળજો,
તમે મીરાની જેમ મને મળજો !
ઓઢણીમાં સૂસવાતો રણનો વંટોળ
અને વીરડીમાં જાગ્યું તોફાન,
રણની રેતીમાં કેવું અદકેરું અટવાણું
સળગેલા સૂરજનું વ્હાણ,
કો'કવાર ધોધમાર દોડવાના દિવસોમાં
મંજીરા સાંભળીને વળજો,
તમે મીરાની જેમ મને મળજો !
તમરાંના કાનમાંથી ટપકે છે રાત
અને મૌનનો ચણાયો મોટો મહેલ,
ધૂપસળી જેમ કોણ ઓગળે છે ઓરડે
અને પૂછવાની કોણ કરે પહેલ ?
એકધારો એકતારો છેડે જે રાગ
તેમાં એકપણું ભાળો તો ભળજો,
તમે મીરાની જેમ મને મળજો !
-ભાગ્યેશ જહા

मैंने जीवन देखा, जीवन का गान किया- हरिवंश राय बच्चन

मैं कभी, कहीं पर सफर
खत्म कर देने को तैयार सदा था,
इसमें भी थी क्या मुश्किल ।
चलना ही जिसका काम
रहा हो दुनिया में,
हर एक कदम के ऊपर
है उसकी मंजिल ।
जो कल पर काम उठाता
वो है पछताता,
कल अगर नहीं फ़िर उसकी
किस्मत में आता ।
मैंने कल पर कब आज
भला बलिदान किया,
मैंने जीवन देखा
जीवन का गान किया !

સગડ મળે જો તારા ! -હિતેન આનંદપરા

સગડ મળે જો તારા
હું ઓવારી દઉં તારા પર
પાંપણના પલકારા
સગડ મળે જો તારા
મને કોઇ સમજાવો મારી
સમજણ કાચી પાકી
તને શોધવા માટે કેટલાં
જન્મો લેવા બાકી ?
પતંગિયાના કઈ રીતે હું
ગણી શકું ધબકારા ?
સગડ મળે જો તારા
તળમાં હો કે નભમાં તારા
અગણિત રૂપ અપાર
મારી એકજ ઈચ્છા, તારો
બનું હું વારસદાર
તને વિનંતી કરું છું થોડા
મોકલને અણસારા
સગડ મળે જો તારા

3 wishes u can ask for

'3 wishes you can ask for'

(Topic suggested by Anisha Jain-Shah,U.S.A.)

If anyone, say God, tells me that I can ask for 3 wishes of my life & he will grant those wishes; I will have no hesitation about my choices : The 3 wishes I'll like to fulfill in my life are;

1. Learning formal music ( vocal/instrumental/classical whatever possible)
2. Adopting a girl child ( at the time when I can spend enough time for his upbringing)
3. Doing some kind of charity work ( starting organization or working for such group or individually)

I've put a lot of thought & have analyzed my conscience thoroughly before recognizing my ultimate internal desires. But I doubt whether everyone has this ability to analyze & recognize their inner feelings or conscience. Most of them won't be able to answer this question readily & convincingly & even if they do so, there are all chances that they will end up listing the things they want to possess rather than they desire from deep inside. This is because external factors influences our thinking so much that we forget our instincts & think in the terms of materialistic possessions. However, there is no doubt in my mind that each & every person has some unfulfilled internal desires which can give the meaning to their existence. So, let's go to some distance in this cliche looking interesting subject of " The ultimate wishes of your life".

Everyone has wishes to be fulfilled in life because if you don't wish something, you can't get anything. But there is a huge difference between external & internal wishes. External wishes are desires to get or possess some physical objects or subjects i.e. car,house,girlfriend etc. Internal wishes on the other hand are those which don't come from 'having something you like' but they come from 'doing something you like'. It gives you the feeling of inner satisfaction & eternal pleasure which money can't buy. It comes as a result of some good deeds like performing, achieving, creating, helping, donating, leading & so on. Physical wantings breed more wantings but these noble acts breed contentment, joy & happiness all around. These are the things everyone wants to achieve but due to external influences on our conscience, we restrict ourselves to possessing something rather than searching for our inner desires to achieve real success or excellence in life. Buying a latest music system is possession but learning & performing the music in an achievement which you can't buy. It gives you satisfaction, confidence, joy & sense of achievement which a music system cannot give by any means. So the point is, the wishes of our life should mean those wishes which we want to fulfill but haven't done yet because of our worldly commitments or as a result of our lassitude & complacency or due to lack of self-realization. Be more dedicated to making solid achievements than running after swift but synthetic happiness. Most of us get confused between our demands & our desires. Demands are external needs & desires are internal one. To find out your internal desires, ask yourself some questions like;

• What are the things I always wanted to do when I was young?
• What kind of work gives me a sense of feeling good after doing it?
• What kind of work you appreciate when someone does that?
• How will I like people to remember me after my death?
• What are the things I'll like to do before my death?

There can be many more questions you can ask to yourself. Keep asking them until you find the answers. When you find what are your real desires in life, prioritize your wishes on the basis of their relative importance in your life. Then plan your actions towards achieving the goal of fulfilling top 3 wishes first. This may require both short-term & long-term planning. Everything may not go according to your plan every time but don't stop or step back. Have perseverance over your dream. Life always gives chance to fulfill your dream sooner or later. Have patience & do not allow your wishes to slip out of your mind any single moment. If you haven't find time or opportunity to live your dream in young age, have a go at it at the older age. No age is too late to start living for yourself! Assure yourself that if life gives me due time & opportunity, I will fulfill all my desires before my death. But as we know, life is very uncertain. So sooner is better. Try to spare some time for yourself to work towards your dream. You may be find it difficult to adjust initially due to your commitments but let me assure you that doing the things you always wanted to do are never laborious. Rather, they give you such confidence, pleasure & satisfaction that you get recharged for your routine life. So don't hesitate or be complacent. Just follow your dreams & feel how rewarding it is after fulfilling your desires. You end up living in a whole different world! So hold on to your dreams & they are bound to come true! Then the life is all yours to live happily! Rock on!!!

"इन दिनों दिल मेरा मुजसे ये कहे रहा;

तू ख्वाब सजा, तू जी ले ज़रा ।

है तुजे भी इजाजत तू भी कर ले महोब्बत।

बेरंग थी ये बड़ी ज़िन्दगी कुछ रंग तो भरूं,

मैं अपनी तन्हाई के वास्ते अब कुछ तो करूँ;

गर मिले थोडी फुर्सत खुदसे करले महोब्बत।"

Learning lessons from Mangalore

Learning lessons from Mangalore
By Vir Sanghvi

Most of us will have been encouraged by some of the political responses to the attack on pub-goers in Mangalore. Even Rajnath Singh, not usually perceived as a pillar of the liberal establishment, delivered a ringing condemnation of the assaults and most political parties joined the chorus of disapproval.
The politicians - and many media commentators - based their criticisms of the assault on two separate liberal principles. The first was: nobody can take the law into his or her own hands.
It is legitimate to strongly object to something but quite unacceptable to forego due process and take direct action. The second principle was the traditional liberal one of 'live and let live'.
I may disapprove of what you do but unless your actions directly harm me I have no right to stop you. This principle has been used to argue that even if the lunatics on the fringes of the Sangh parivar found the pubs objectionable, they had no business preventing those who liked the so-called 'pub culture' from enjoying it.
Both principles are strong and well-established and I can see why they have been quoted. They are usually used by politicians and editorial writers to condemn attacks on cinema halls showing Fire, on shops selling Valentine's Day cards, etc.But here's my problem: I think we need to go beyond the standard liberal denunciations of the Mangalore violence because the usual objections seem to me to be entirely inadequate here.The real issues run much deeper. Go to the politicians who have condemned the Mangalore attack, ask them a few significant questions and see what responses you get.
Ask Rajnath Singh, for instance, what he thinks of the so-called 'pub culture'. My guess is that he will say that he disapproves of it entirely because it goes against Indian culture.
Ashok Gehlot has already been asked this question and delivered an attack on 'pub culture'. (Later, when it was pointed out to him that his response came off as toeing the Sangh parivar line, he quickly amended it to say that he was only against alcoholism - but by then, the damage had been done.) Go further. Ask this question of L.K. Advani.Of Lalu Prasad Yadav. Of Mayawati.
My guess is they'll all say the same thing: that going to pubs is against 'Indian culture'. That's my problem with the liberal position that is being used to condemn the Mangalore attacks.
Politicians will say they disapprove of the violence and shed tears over the incident. But they will still support the cause and agenda of the goondas.
This was brought out most clearly in the response of the Karnataka Chief Minister who issued the routine condemnation but then followed it up with a ringing denunciation of the 'pub culture'. He was a liberal, he said.
He did not mind if people went out to eat 'non-veg' (wow!). But it was against our very cultural traditions to go drinking in pubs at night.
My fear is that we will allow the politicians to fool us. Because they appear to making the right condemnatory noises, we do not realise that, in essence, their views are no different from those of the hoodlums, who attacked the pub.
It is only the methods that they are quibbling over. At the root of the against-our-cultural-traditions argument is a specious notion of what culture is.
What the politicians are saying is that culture is static; that it is the sum total of social practices at any given time. Any deviation from those practices represents a dangerous drift away from all the things that make us Indian.
This is so flawed an argument that it is plain silly. What is Indian culture, in this sense, anyway? Is it sati? That was an established practice once upon a time.
Is it untouchability? Is it dowry? Is it beef-eating? (We know that the Vedic Aryans ate beef.) Is it forcing widows to wear white? All of us would agree that none of these things represents Indian culture as we know it.
Yet, there was a time when all these practices were part of the cultural consensus. And deviations from them were vigorously opposed as being alien to our cultural traditions.
The truth is that culture is never static; it changes over time. If the BJP wants us to go back to the roots of ancient Indian culture then where do we stop? At sati? At wearing unstitched clothes? It is entirely legitimate for Yeddyurappa or Gehlot or other politicians to disapprove of bars or of alcohol.
But they have no right to define Indian culture or to claim that it should be frozen in time. They are not the custodians of our culture.
And my guess is that politicians don't even understand what culture is anyway. There is a second, worrying element to the Mangalore attacks that, despite Renuka Chowdhury's agitated response, seems to have passed without much comment from other politicians.
Have you noticed how every time male politicians jump up and down shouting about threats to our culture, the issue nearly always involves the freedom and choices of women? Think about it. When Sharad Yadav is in full flow, it is 'baal-katti' women he objects to.
When M.A. Naqvi protests about TV coverage of 26/11, he complains about women who wear lipstick. When R.R. Patil wants to shut down Bombay's beer bars (as he successfully did), it's not the beer he objects to but the women dancers.
When the Sangh parivar wants to ban Fire, it is because the film shows two women in a lesbian relationship. Nobody objects to the homosexual sub-text of Dostana - hell, they probably identify with it.
Similarly, when Hindu communalists attack the crew of Water, it is because the film shows how badly we treat our widows. Make a film about how badly we treat our adivasis or dalits and nobody will care.
Even moral policing, as we call it, is really about keeping women in check. Why do policemen and political hoodlums crack down on courting couples? Only because they think it is 'immoral' or wrong (or 'against Indian culture') for women to be allowed to display affection with men of their choice.
What angers me the most about the Mangalore attack is that the agenda is not really anti-alcohol or about any concern for India's cultural traditions. It is about controlling women.
The pubs had been going for a while but the hoodlums had never attacked them. When they launched their assault it was directed at the women in the pub.
It was the very presence of women, their exercise of their free choice to drink and their decision to sit with men that so angered the political goondas. All this is more worrying than the simple fact of vigilantes taking the law into their own hands.
Of course it is wrong to do that - as all the politicians have dutifully pointed out. But that's not the real issue.
The crisis within our society is not just about random acts of violent political protest. It is the unspoken agreement between politicians across parties that it is entirely legitimate to deny Indian women the same rights as men; that they cannot have any sexual or romantic choices of their own; and that if they dare enjoy themselves in the way that men do (in a pub, for instance), they will be punished and made to suffer.
The BJP holds forth about intolerance and about how women get a bad deal within the Muslim community. But does it have any right to complain about Talibanisation when members of the extended parivar do much the same thing and BJP Chief Ministers suggest that apart from the violence, they agree with these retrograde positions? These are the questions we need to ask - not just of the BJP, but of all of India's politicians.
Let's not be fobbed off with platitudes about how all violence is bad. Let's get to the core issues: what right do these jokers have to define Indian culture? And why do modern Indian women make our male politicians so insecure? Is it because they are even more inadequate than we realise?.

How beneficial is it to start the child's education at a very early age?

(Topic suggested by Anisha Jain-Shah,VA,U.S.A.)

Introduction:-

As a parent, our prime concern for our children is his education for upon it lies his future in terms of his mental growth, knowledge, financial security, social status & above all our sense of fulfillment as successful parents। Our concern here is,'Should the child's education be started at a very early age of his life? How beneficial or not is it for child's growth & development? Our educators in past, had given real thought of concern regarding this matter. That's why, all over the world, it has been widely accepted that primary education of a child should not be started before the age of 5. This is because these are the years of child's physical,mental & emotional development. His cognitive & intellectual skills are not well-developed till this age. He is trying to adjust in his environment by learning different skills. Moreover, he feels insecure in this world because of lack of understanding of its complexities. He needs constant care, supervision & encouragement throughout this period of growth & development. That's why educators advise that child should be in protective environment until the age of 5, by which his linguistic, analytic, social & emotional skills have developed to some extent. But what we find today is that child is pushed into the pre-school education right from the age of 2, first play-group, then nursery, then K.G. & then primary education. We are in a hurry to get our child educated as early as possible.

The reasons or advantages of early childhood schooling:-

• The amount of information & knowledge is growing day by day & the world has become a global hub. The child needs to learn many things not only to earn his livings but also to become really successful in life. So the parents think that it will be good for the child to start learning as early as possible.
• Access to any kind of information is so easy & so influential because of various means of mass-communication that child automatically tends to learn, whether good or bad, new things faster than their older generations. Then why not to use his skills in education rather wasting them at home. Parents think that their children are smarter enough to take loads of early education.
• The competition in the professional field is so fierce that parents don't want to take chance with their children's education. They try to provide best of the available facilities within their resources. They think that if some one's child is behaving smart after joining pre-school then why shouldn't I be doing the same for my child? They don't want their child to be left behind.
• Because of nuclear families, parents have to fight on dual fronts of earning as well as taking care of their child's study. When both parents are working then problem becomes more serious. Parents tend to get their child admitted in pre-school education groups as early as possible so that they can carry on their career without worrying about child's education.
• As the knowledge & education is getting more & more complex day by day, many of the parents find it difficult to cope with it. They are left with no choice but to get admitted their child in an educational institute as early as possible so that he can learn those things which parents can't teach.
• Parents have no choice right now regarding taking decision about when to start formal education of their child. Our education system is such that if you haven't provided proper pre-school education to your child then you won't be able to get your child admitted anywhere later on. You have to be with the system or you are left out.

Problems or Disadvantages of early childhood schooling:-

• The education system is so commercialized that the basic concept of 'learn while you play' has been forgotten all together.
• The child's important years of growth & development are consumed by his schooling.
• The child hardly finds time to play or to develop his interest in any activity he likes because of starting his education very early.
• Due to lake of physical activity child's physical development suffers at a very early age of his life upon which lies the foundation of his future health.
• Due to the competitive structure of our educational system, child is forced very early into the rat-race for materialistic success.
• Because of performance anxiety, a child may face psychological problems very early in his life. He may succumb to the unnatural & unhealthy pressure created by the heavy loads of the study along with high expectations of parents.
• Because of the misconception that good education means getting good marks in exams, child may not learn any subject thoroughly but he will mug everything from the exam-point of view. This may lead to failure in his professional life because of lack of thorough knowledge, both theoretically as well as practically.

Probable solutions or alternatives for the problem of early schooling:-

1. Let us assume that it is not possible to change the current education system & child has to start learning at a very early age, then we should try to find the solution within the system itself. Competitiveness in studies should be curtailed by changing the pattern of exams. The teachers should be trained to deliver thorough knowledge of the subject & children should be encouraged to be creative,curious & courageous in studies. Parents should be assisted whenever required regarding the problems they might be facing for their children's studies. Schools are supposed to be educational temples not shops.
2. Some revolutionary parent groups have started imparting home education to their children avoiding the need for the child to spend time in the school daily. Here parents are at liberty to select what to teach, when to teach & how to teach. But this system only works when parents are well-educated and capable of dealing with various aspects of education.
3. Starting pre-schooling late (i.e. after age of 4) can be another option. That means the whole educational process of the child gets delayed by a couple of years. The only problem is that child starts earning late by 2 years or so. That, in my opinion, should not be a cause of concern these days because average life expectancy is close to 70 in most parts of the world & parents can bear the cost of studies & loss of income from their children for 2 years more. But if we want to compensate the loss, we can increase the age of retirement by 2 years to balance the equation. That seems to be a more logical solution to me, but it requires a great deal of paradigm shift from policy makers, educationists, educational institutes & parents.

What is the role of the parents in present scenario?:-

• Parents should upgrade their knowledge time and again. They should make themselves versed with the latest of information & technologies which help themselves in dealing with their child's education. Reading & effective use of Internet & mass-media can be of great help for them in this regard. You have to learn many things before you can expect your child to learn something.
• Parents should encourage reading habits in their children right from the beginning. This increases their imagination & creativity along with information & knowledge.
• Children should not be insisted only to focus on their studies. Their syllabus only represents a very small portion of the enormous amount of knowledge available in the world. General knowledge, knowledge of current affairs, sports, cultural activities & value education is as important as studies for success & personality development.
• All curiosities of child must be satisfied with utmost interest even if it takes some time out of your busy schedule. Remember, a curious child dissatisfied may turn into a furious child.
• Child should be allowed to learn from the mistakes. Too much of assistance, supervision & protection hampers his abilities to deal with the problems.
• We should not seek to get social mileage out of child's performance. This creates 'performance anxiety' in child's mind resulting in deteriorated performance despite of natural talent.
• Let the child do whatever he wants, not what you want him to do. Don't try to satisfy your unfulfilled desires by means of your child's achievements.
• Don't force him to excel in everything. Try to find out the areas of his interest by trial & error and encourage him to pursue his path in those areas.
• No two children are identical, not even twins. Every child is unique but not everyone is genius. If some child has some extraordinary skill at a very young age, then not necessarily your child should be able to do the same. If he is really interested, he may start learning the same thing late but still excel in it. Have patience with your child. Let him grow at his pace.
• Don't expect too much out of your child every time. He may mess up with his performance occasionally. Make him realize about his faults & encourage him to fight back. Don't be a critic of your child but be a supporter.
• Enjoy & celebrate his success. Give him due rewards but avoid bribery to get his work done every time.
• Let us not confuse education with the capacity to earn. A person can earn money than a scholar even without formal education. earning & education are independent of each other. The purpose of education is to make a person capable to face the realities of life, to make him use his knowledge for the well-being of the society & to achieve the sense of fulfillment by getting real success in his life without compromising the moral values.
• Lastly, before we can expect anything out of our child, we have to look at ourselves first. Mere education is not going to get him anywhere near the success but it requires good personality & great character to achieve the real success. The child learns all the most important values & virtues of life from his parents, which ultimately become the foundation of his personality & character। One cannot instill these values in child just by telling him to follow but you have to forge those values into your attitude, behaviour & character first so that child can realize their importance। Remember, we are their role models। They will listen everything we say but follow only that what we do. Don't worry about your child not listening to you but remember he is always observing you.

"मासूम बच्चों के हाथों को चाँद सितारे छू लेने दो ;

वर्ना दो किताबें पढ़के तो ये भी हम जैसे हो जायेंगे।"

-निदा फाजली

Gandhiji's view on "Ahinsa"

(From the book, "Mahatma-Life of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi" by D.G.Tendulkar, Vol.2, page 421-423.)

"Some days back a calf having been maimed lay in agony in the ashram. Whatever treatment and nursing was possible was given to it. The surgeon whose advice was sought in the matter declared the case to be past help and past hope. The suffering of the animal was so great that it could not even turn its side without excruciating pain. In these circumstances I felt that humanity demanded that the agony should be ended by ending life itself. The matter was placed before the whole ashram. At the discussion, a worthy neighbour vehemently opposed the idea of killing even to end pain. The ground of his opposition was that one has no right to take life which one cannot create. His argument seemed to me to be pointless here. It would have point, if the taking of life was actuated by self-interest. Finally in all humility but with the clearest of convictions I got in my presence a doctor kindly to administer the calf a quietus by means of a poison injection. The whole thing was over in less than two minutes.I knew that public opinion especially in Ahmedabad would not approve of my action and that it would read nothing but hinsa in it. But I know too that performance of one's duty should be independent of public opinion. I have all along held that one is bound to act according to what to one appears to be right, though it may appear wrong to others. And experience has shown that that is the only correct course. That is why the poet has sung:"The pathway of love is the ordeal of fire, the shriekers turn away from it." The pathway of ahinsa, that is, of love, one has often to tread all alone.

The question may legitimately be put to me: Would I apply to human beings the principle I have enunciated in connexion with the calf? Would I like it to be applied in my own case? My reply is 'Yes'; the same law holds good in both the cases. The law, 'as with one so with all', admits of no exceptions, or the killing of the calf was wrong and violent. In practice, however, we do not cut short the sufferings of our ailing dear ones by death because, as a rule, we have always means at our disposal to help them and they have the capacity to think and decide for themselves. But supposing that in the case of an ailing friend, I am unable to render any aid and recovery is out of the question and the patient is lying in an unconscious state in the throes of agony, then I would not see any hinsa in putting an end to his suffering by death. Just as a surgeon does not commit hinsa but practises the purest ahinsa when he wields his knife, one may find it necessary, under certain imperative circumstances, to go a step further and severe life from the body in the interest of the sufferer. It may be objected that whereas the surgeon performs his operation to save the life of the patient, in the other case we do just the reverse. But on a deeper analysis it will be found that the ultimate object sought to be served in both the cases is the same, namely, to relieve the suffering soul within from pain. In the one case you do it by severing the diseased portion from the body, in the other you do it by severing from the soul the body that has become an instrument of torture to it. In either case it is the relief of the soul from pain that is aimed at, the body without life within being incapable of feeling either pleasure or pain. Other circumstances can be imagined in which not to kill would spell hinsa, while killing would be ahinsa. Suppose, for instance, that I find my daughter, whose wish at the moment I have no means of ascertaining, is threatened with violation and there is no way by which I can save her, to put an end to her life and surrender myself to the fury of the incensed ruffian.

The trouble with our votaries of ahinsa is that they have made of ahinsa a blind fetish and put the greatest obstacle in the way of the spread of true ahinsa in our midst. The current-and, in my opinion, mistaken- view of ahinsa has drugged our conscience and rendered us insensible to a host of other and more insidious forms of hinsa like harsh words, harsh judgements, ill will, anger, spite and lust of cruelty; it has made us forget that there may be far more hinsa in the slow torture of men and animals, the starvation and exploitation to which they are subjected out of selfish greed, the wanton humiliation and oppression of the weak and the killing of their self-respect that we witness all around us today than in mere benevolent taking of life. Does any one doubt for a moment that it would have been far more humane to have summarily put to death those who in the infamous lane of Amritsar were made by their tortures to crawl on their bellies like worms? If anyone desires to retort by saying that these people themselves today feel otherwise, that they are none the worse for crawling, I shall have no hesitation in telling him that he does not know even the elements of ahinsa. There arise occasions in a man's life when it becomes his imperative duty to meet them by laying down his life; not to appreciate this fundamental fact of man's estate is to betray an ignorance of the foundation of ahinsa. For instance, a votary of truth would pray to God to give him death to save him from a life of falsehood, similarly a votary of ahinsa would on bent knees implore his enemy to put him to death rather than humiliate him or make him do things unbecoming the dignity of a human being. As the poet has sung:' The way of the Lord is meant for heroes, not for cowards.' It is the fundamental misconception about the nature and the scope of ahinsa, this confusion about the relative values, that is responsible for our mistaking mere non-killing for ahinsa and for the fearful amount of hinsa that goes on in the name of ahinsa in our country."

Personality Ethic v/s Character Ethic

(This piece of writing is taken from the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. It reflects his views on character ethic & personality ethic by depiction of the problem he & his wife faced while dealing the issue of development of their son.)

"A few years ago, my wife Sandra & I were struggling with a kind of concern. One of our son was having a very difficult time in school. He was doing poorly academically; he didn't even know how to follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well on them. Socially he was immature, often embarrassing those closest to him. Athletically, he was small, skinny, and uncoordinated- swinging his baseball bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched. Others would laugh at him.

Sandra & I were consumed with a desire to help him. We felt that if "success" were important in any area of life, it was supremely important in our role as parents. So we worked on our attitudes and behaviour towards him and we tried to work on his. We attempted to psych him up using positive mental attitude techniques. "Come on, son! You can do it! We know you can. Put your hands a little higher on the bat & keep your eye on the ball. Don't swing till it gets close to you." And if he did a little better, we would go to great lengths to reinforce him. "That's good,son, keep it up." When others laughed, we reprimanded them. "Leave him alone. Get off his back. He's just learning." And our son would cry and insist that he'd never be any good and that he didn't like baseball anyway. Nothing we did seemed to help, and we were really worried. We could see the effect this was having on his self-esteem. We tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated failure, we finally drew back and tried to look at the situation on a different level.

At this time in my professional role I was involved in leadership development work with various clients throughout the country. In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject of communication and perception for IBM's Executive Development Program participants. As I researched and prepared these presentations, I became particularly interested in how perceptions are formed, how they govern the way we see, and how the way we see governs how we behave. This led me to a study of expectancy theory and self-fulfilling prophecies or the"Pygmalion effect", and to a realization of how deeply embedded our perceptions are. It taught me that we must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as at the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world. As Sandra & I talked about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation, we began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony with the way we really saw him. When we honestly examined our deepest feelings, we realized that our perception was that he was basically inadequate, somehow "behind". No matter how much we worked on our attitude and behaviour, despite our actions and our words, what we really communicated to him was,"You aren't capable. You have to be protected." We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change our perceptions.

The Personality & Character Ethics

The Character Ethic is the foundation of success- things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty and the Golden rule. These are basic principles of effective living, and people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.

The Personality Ethic includes public image, attitudes, behaviours, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. It essentially take two paths: one is human & public relation techniques, and the other is positive mental attitude(PMA).

This Personality Ethic, I began to realize, was the subconscious source of the solutions Sandra and I were attempting to use with our son. As I thought more deeply about the difference between the Personality and Character Ethics, I realized that Sandra & I had been getting social mileage out of our children's good behaviour, and, in our eyes, this son didn't simply measure up. Our image of ourselves, and our role as good, caring parents was even deeper than our image of our son and perhaps influenced it. There was a lot more wrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our concern for our son's welfare. As Sandra & I talked, we became painfully aware of the powerful influence of our own character & motives and of our perception of him. We knew that social comparison motives were out of harmony with our deeper values and could lead to conditional love and eventually to our son's lessened sense of self-worth. So we determined to focus our effort on us- not on our techniques, but on our deepest motives and our perception of him. Instead of trying to change him, we tried to stand apart- to separate us from him- and to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth. Through deep thought and the exercise of faith and prayer, we began to see our son in terms of his own uniqueness. We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own pace and speed. We decided to relax and get out out of his way and let his own personality emerge. We saw our natural role as being to affirm, enjoy, and value him. We also conscientiously worked on our motives and cultivated internal sources of security so that our own feelings of worth were not dependent on our children's "acceptable" behaviour. As we loosened up our old perception of our son and developed value-based motives, new feelings began to emerge. We found ourselves enjoying him instead of comparing or judging him. We stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations. We stopped trying to kindly, positively manipulate him into an acceptable social mold. Because we saw him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with life, we stopped protecting him against the ridicule of others. He had been nurtured on this protection, so he went through some withdrawal pains, which he expressed and which we accepted, but did not necessarily respond to. " We don't need to protect you," was the unspoken message. "You're fundamentally okay." As the weeks & months passed, he began to feel a quiet confidence & affirmed himself. He began to blossom, at his own pace & speed. He became outstanding as measured by standard social criteria- academically, socially and athletically- at a rapid clip, far beyond the so-called natural developmental process. As the years passed, he was elected to several student body leadership positions, developed into an all-state athlete and started bringing home straight "A" report cards. He developed an engaging and guileless personality that has enabled him to relate in nonthreatening ways to all kinds of people.

Sandra & I believe that our son's "socially impressive" accomplishments were more a serendipitous expression of the feelings he had about himself than than merely a response to social reward. This was an amazing experience for Sandra & me, and a very instructional one in dealing with our other children and in other roles as well. It brought to our awareness on a very personal level the vital difference between the Personality Ethic and the Character Ethic of success. The Psalmist expressed our conviction well:"Search your own heart with all diligence, for out of it flow the issues of life."

5 stages of relationships

"There seems 5 stages of any relationship to me.They're attraction, acceptance, progression, maintenance & consolidation. At the onset of relationship, it's mostly physical attraction. Then comes the mental acceptance followed by mutual progression. The last two stages are really difficult but nevertheless most important.It requires careful maintenance of a relationship to give it an lasting consolidation. That's when you can say the relationship to have truly matured. The initial steps are mostly taken subconsciously but last two require conscious efforts from the concerned persons. They don't just happen on their own. It demands a gr8 amount of care & commitment, patience & perseverance, sacrifice & sensibility to achieve such kind of eternal relationship! " This thought I've written a few months back after the discussion with a lady friend about relationship, particularly that of couples, be it a married one or that claim to be in love with each other. That got me to think what the real love should mean especially in committed relationships like marriage. This reminded me a quote from a writing which probably should satisfy all the requirements of the definition of true love in any lasting relationship. It says,"પ્રેમ એ પવિત્રતાની મૂર્તિ છે. એ હ્રદયમાં ઉદભવેલું નૈસર્ગિક ઝરણું છે. વફાદારી અને સમર્પણ એના ફેફસાં છે. સહનશક્તિ અને શ્રધ્ધાપૂર્વક વિશ્વાસ એનો પ્રાણવાયુ છે. અદ્વૈતતા અને અભેદત્વની અનુભૂતિ એ એનું જીવનબળ છે. પ્રેમ એટલે પોતાને ગમતી વ્યક્તિને પ્રસન્નતા અર્પવાની બિનશરતી તૈયારી!" Sometimes we fail to distinguish between romance & love. Romance is an art of expressing your emotions to your loved ones. It is used to charm someone with an expressive act like giving flowers or candle-light dinner etc. Love is all about feeling other persons emotions & caring for your loved ones. It may be in the form of wearing the clothes of his/her choice or arranging for financial securities like insurance, bank deposits etc., in case anything happens to you. It may not look romantic at all but it may be better than plain romance in terms of caring & loving. Romance is all physical & outwardly. Love is absolutely inwardly & eternal. Romance may or may not be there in your relationship, depending upon your nature. But love is the most essential ingredient for any successful relation. As someone has rightly said that the formula for the successful relationship is,"Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it was a disaster!" If we can get these words right in our mind, I don't think we'll have any problem with having & handling our most important relationships. किशोरदा का ये गाना भी तो यही बात का इशारा कर रहा है,
"कुछ लोग इक रोज़ जो बिछड़ जातें हैं,
वो हजारों के आने से मिलते नहीं;
उम्रभर चाहे कोई पुकारा करे उनका नाम;
वो फ़िर नहीं आते, वो फ़िर नहीं आते।
कल तड़पना पड़े याद में जिनकी,
रोक लो रूठकर उनको जाने न दो;
बादमें प्यारके चाहे भेजो हजारों सलाम;
वो फ़िर नहीं आते, वो फ़िर नहीं आते।
जिंदगीके सफर में गुज़र जातें हैं जो मकाम;
वो फ़िर नहीं आते, वो फ़िर नहीं आते।"

Action, Violence & Cruelty !

Awesome!Mind-blowing!The biggest block-buster ever made in Indian cinema with record-breaking collection of Rs.225 crores in just 2 weeks! You must have got the clue that I'm talking about the latest Bollywood hit "Ghajini".The film is no doubt an outright Hindi masala movie with the typical south-Indian touch,the U.S.P. of its huge success is a result of synergistic combination of Aamir's 8pack physique & scarred trimmed hair-style,Asin's fresh look & performance, a bit novel concept of short-term memory loss & above all extra-ordinary marketing strategies. Aamir rocks as ever but the film is not of his level.I mean, how can u expect such violent film from the maker of a super sensitive film like "Taarein Zameen Par"? You just have a sense of discomfort after seeing all the violence in the movie. It leaves a gloomy effect on ur mind. Some people are rightly demanding "A" certificate for the film because the film is certainly not for the children. I've a couple of experiences to share in this context. My son Marmik was so frightened while watching the movie that he asked us to leave the movie & go home. When we reassured him, though he didn't forced us to go home; he still avoided watching violent scenes & preferred to wander outside. Similarly, my friend Jignesh's son, Nityam could not sleep properly for about a week after seeing "Ghajini". He used to wake up from sleep at night, terrified with fear. These are my personal experiences. I'm sure there'll be many more in general. I think our film-makers are well-versed with the art of film-making but they still have to learn the moral aspect of it. They don't seem to make distinction between the action,violence & the cruelty. All martial art films like that of Jackie Chan's, Bruce Lee's & of course Matrix are purely action films.It requires perfect training,timing & treatment just like filming a dance sequence. It's an art.It's fun.You can enjoy every bit of it. Violence is something beyond action as in war films, revenge films, films like 300,Troy,Gladiator etc. But when the film-maker goes a step further to terrify the viewer demolishing all the standards of decency, it becomes the cruelty.The violence in such films is so cold-blooded,ruthless & torturous that you feel aversion for it. Such kind of picturization is always avoidable.It does not make the movie impressive at all. You don't want to see that movie again.It may leave a long-lasting effect in the innocent minds of the children.I pray to the Almighty that he give those children "a long-term memory loss" for forgetting such cruelly violent movie!

uttarayan- the prince of all festivals

Today's post is obviously about uttarayan. Two days of complete joy,thrill, excitement, celebration & togetherness. Thinking philosophically, the kite & the string represent our body & mind respectively. It shows us that if we can control our body's physical instincts by our mind, we can fly high in our life. But this require strong will-power just like the kite requires strong string to remain unbeaten in the sky. If we have a healthy body and a strong mind, we can give our character such height that no one dare to pull us down & even anyone cuts down our string, our character should not get affected. We should fly the new kite with the same string unaffected by previous defeat.The kite may go up or down but the spirit should always remain high forever. Leaving apart the philosophical aspect, the festival itself is a carnival of joy & happiness. This 14th January was no different at all. It started with flying kites at my childhood house at Pragatinagar. Though very few kites are flown there on an average, the thrill of being on the terrace of the house where we spent the most memorable part of our life-our childhood- was special & my mind was clouded with some nostalgic moments. Watching your childhood friends & neighbours who have grown up considerably in size,shape & structure was a moving experience. At noon we went to my cousin Divyam's house. Being together with the Lovely Cousin Group is in itself an event, & if it's on festival like uttarayan, then it becomes a special one. The wind was down but we still enjoyed by playing "Ghasarkatta". We LCG people don't need reason to enjoy, we just create it! The lunch was fantastic. Thanks Minufoiba & Hiral for your efforts. The evening we spent on my dear friend Dr.Manish Joshi's terrace. Kites were followed by bites! Flying followed by food! Thanks Joshi for the amazing dinner especially the "Khichado"! Frankly speaking, I'm not an expert kite-flier. Still I enjoyed this uttarayan the most. The reason is obvious. When you've spent the whole day enjoying with your childhood surroundings, family, relatives, neighbours, friends, brothers & sisters; the people you love the most;what else do you require to have fun? In my opinion, if Diwali is the King of festivals & Navratri the Queen, the Uttarayan is the Prince of all the festivals. Though it is considered as the festival of youth, but in fact it is the festival of all the ages. We could see that literally when me,my father & my son Marmik were on the terrace at the same time looking at the sky for the flying kites! The Vaasi Uttarayan we spent at Naroda, my in laws house. That was no less fun than Uttarayan. Again it was a famous combination of furious flying followed by fantastic food. The evening was the time for the magnificent display of fireworks along with the Tukkalbaji & dance parties on terrace. The youth has given this festival a whole new look. The kites & lights, the colours & crackers, the dinner & dance! Where can you get to enjoy such range of fun filled activities on the same day in a single festival?If Navratri is the face of Gujarat, then Uttarayan is the face of Ahmedabad. If any one has ever enjoyed the Uttarayan of Ahmedabad, I'm sure he'll going to remember that for his lifetime! We're lucky to have festivals like Uttarayan.I love Uttarayan because I love celebration. I love Ahmedabad because I love life. I love Gujarat because this is the land where life is a celebration itself! This is the Vibrant Gujarat! जय जय गर्वी गुजरात!

दिल ना सगपण !

छती आँखें मारूं दर्द न जोयुं, शुं लागणीओ थी तुं अंध छे?
के पछी जाणी-जोईने सगवड खातर गणत्रीथी करेलो आ प्रबंध छे?
आपणी प्रेमकथानो आव्यो आ केवो अणधार्यो अंत छे?
सुखनी सफर पूरी थई मारी पण तारा माटे अनंत छे।
प्रेम छे नाम समर्पणनुं ऐ क्यां हार-जीत नो सम्बन्ध छे?
दिलमां तारा हूँ नथी भले, मारा श्वास मां तारी सुगंध छे।
तारे काजे खुल्या जे रस्ता ऐ मारे माटे हवे बंध छे।
तू पराई थई गई तो शुं थयुं ? दिल ना सगपण हजी अकबंध छे!

-मोहित शाह (८-१-०९)

This poem I've written on 8-1-09. It was inspired by a story published in newspaper. In fact, the last line of this poem was published as a title to this story. After reading that I felt an instinct to create some more lines. The words came coming from my mind & poem was done in half an hour. It narrates the pain of dejection from the loved one. One can see that at the onset, the man seems agitated asking for an explanation from his lover. He even makes allegations of being emotionally blind & mean. But later on his aggression gives way to rationalization. He looks the whole incidence in a philosophical way. He accepts that his journey for his love has ended because he can't make her his companion. But he is going to continue his search for happiness for ever by loving her from the depth of his heart. He smells her fragrance in his breaths. He realizes that love is not a matter of gaining or losing but it's a matter of unconditional giving. You have to devote your life for your love without expecting anything in return. Lovers may get defeated but not love itself. He rationalize the things at the end by thinking that although she is owned by someone else, the relations of hearts (दिल ना सगपण) is still intact. One can see how his feelings matured with the advancement of the poem. The feeling of dejection gives way to devotion. We can feel the journey of emotions ranging from agony to agitation to allegation to realization,rationalization & revitalization of the relationship. I will like to call this as the upliftment of love."प्रेम नुं उर्ध्विकरण" !

श्री शोभित देसाई आ ज वात तेमना अंदाज़ मां कहेता फरमावे छे ;

"हतो जे आपणो सम्बन्ध ऐना भग्न अवशेषो ,

शिशु माफक चगळतो हूँ हजी पण त्यांज उभो छूं !

चिकित्सितात न पुण्यम किश्चित !

Today again, I have an incidence with my patient to share. I have made a habit that if any of my patients has gone out of town & calls me from there for any medical help, then I just ask him his problem & sms the treatment which he can show to a chemist & take the medicines to deal with the problem. This way they can handle the routine medical problems through our telephonic communication. The reason for doing this is, people tend to avoid going to an unknown doctor in unknown place. The trust level between the patient & his family doctor is such that they just get relief merely by talking to him. 1 of my patient similarly called me for assistance for his sore throat & I sent sms of treatment as usual. This was the second time he utilized my sms facility from outstation. On coming back,he straight away came to me thanking me for my help & offered me the fees for it. I just denied saying that it's my value-added service for the privileged patients. He then mentioned that ever since they have started coming to me for treatment, they have become care free about their health.He told,"हम को लगता है,जो मर्ज़ी खाओ,जहाँ चाहे जाओ;हमें कुछ नहीं होगा।और अगर कुछ हुआ भी तो डॉक्टर साब तो हैं ही!"This I think is a big complement for a professional when his customer is happy to visit him frequently & gets rest assured of the good care, no matter what may be the circumstances. Some people tell me that why don't I take charge for the telephonic consultations. The reason is obvious. Than I would get some money but lose the invaluable faith which money can't buy. The dream of a doctor should not be to make a lot of money, but it should be to win such faith & loyalty. I have seen patients in my career who are so faithful to their doctor that they literally said,"If our doctor give us any medicine & anybody tell us that it's poison, we will take that without hesitation & if we die than what better to die in hands of a doctor like ours!"This is the highest level of faith you can achieve & the journey towards that starts from taking initiatives in terms of taking extra care of patients in your daily practice like I mentioned before. The faith,the emotions, the relief, the gratefulness which you see on your patients eyes after such gestures are more rewarding than any amount of money paid.That's why it's truly said in 'अथर्व वेद' ;"चिकित्सितात न पुण्यम किश्चित"।

is recession catching us slowly but surely?

A couple of days back, one of my patients came to me for taking treatment for his cold. After my consultation, he asked me,"How's Ur work going?" Little amused by his question, I asked him to elaborate on his quest. He told me that as everyone is very much considerate about the recent economic slowdown, he just wanted to check whether our medical profession is also facing such problems. I explained him that as ours is an essential service, it gets less affected by the slowdown. Then he told me that he is working in an event-management company & they are now face to face with the hazards of economic slowdown. The work has reduced like anything in this sector & they may consider job cut-off anytime. He was very much stressed by this fact & was considering to change the job or may start doing some additional work to meet his ends.This incidence led me to think if this may b the start of the ill-effects of recession. Though I'm not good at economics by any means but psychological aspects of economy I looked at & believe that the effects of recession becomes apparent in stages.Firstly,it wipes out the surplus money of affluent.In second stage non-essential services like event management,marketing& entertainment sector gets affected.Than it starts catching up the consumer sections & now middle class gets the punch of the slowdown.& when every1 resorts 2 cost-cutting & lay-offs, this is the time when the poor class gets affected by the slowdown. When this happens, this becomes the worst form of recession.People literally will fight for the basic necessities.Then not only economic but social system will also breakdown.I can see that v r now in the second phase of the recession.People seem to restrict expenses in marketing & recreation.I hope everything turns well before it creeps to the last phase. But right now, as an individual we can take some steps for our safety on terms of avoiding erratic spending & revert to the orthodox style of "save for Ur future" mentality.

enough is enough!

enough is enough!

करवु रह्यु कंइ आपणे : Enough is Enough.

आंसू न शोभे पांपणे : Enough is Enough.

राजकारण, धर्मकारण, स्वार्थकारण बहु थयुं।

बहु डस्या ऐ सापणे : Enough is Enough.

आ तबाही नी धगधगती आग ने सळगावीने

तापी लीधुं ऐ तापणे : Enough is Enough।

What better than to start the blog with a poem! this poem was published in "Gujarat Samachar" on 31-12-08 in a column by shri Tushar Shukla. It reflects the aggression of people's mind after 26/11 bomb blasts in Mumbai. It is call for our conscience to do whatever possible without any fear against the evils, both outside & inside our country. It says all by including राजकारण, धर्मकारण & स्वार्थकारण। We have suffered a lot till date but we haven't dared to stand against that. But it's high time that we should prepare us to fight against any threats to our country & society as a whole. We have kept quiet for years. We have been patient with them in vain hope that everything will change for better someday. But we can't wait for more. We can't tolerate these ridicles anymore. They've misused our generousity for their malacious perposes. But now it's our turn to show them our real metal. We've been a quiet sufferers til now, but enough is enough. Please post your reviews on my blog about the poem as well as my comments. Bye. C U.